e x p e r i e n c e d…

i know i haven’t been a very good blogger… not a single post in all of three months… i’ve got excuses… i hope you will forgive me anyway…

i spent some time without access to the blog due to some technical issues that may or may not be cleared up now. time will tell. my whole life seems to have been on hold. i’m hardly working… i get plenty of requests for sessions, but i haven’t been able to want to screen andy new clients as i should. to be completely honest, i’ve been ignoring emails from returning clients as much as i have been ignoring prospects lately… so when i say that i’m hardly working, that means i’ve been turning about 2 tricks a week (on a “busy” week).

since i am not answering the mail much, i keep finding myself in a bind where i have to catch a trick to make the rent or get some food or whatever can’t wait. by the time i reach that point, i’ve blown off my regulars or my returning clients to the point that they are all unavailable when I need to see them, which leaves me dependant upon guys i’ve never met which means screening is in order.

i’m somewhat ashamed to say that i haven’t been screening my prospects. by the time i find myself in dire financial straights there is no time to track down other escorts and ask about the guy. naturally, i try not to let anyone know i’m not checking out the info, but i have been scheduling about 9 out of every 10 guys who email me without any screening at all.

i’m depressed… scott is still here… i really messed up our life together and i keep letting him give me another chance to be with him, but i know that there is too much water under the bridge. i know we will never be like we were before. i know that staying together will only be more misery for us both… he told me two days ago that he will be moving out on friday (two days from now). we’ve spoken, just barely, since he said that. he hasn’t retracted that declaration, so i believe that it is true. friday he will be gone. i have no idea what will happen to me….

i’m a little depressed right now… i don’t think i can write any more for now… i will try again later.