i knew that the “honeymoon” phase would have to end someday, but now “someday” is a day in the past instead of the future… a year and a half gone already.
in the beginning, everything was sex… sex was our only entertainment for months… sex was the first thing we did every day, every lunch break, the first thing after work, then again after dinner and as much as we could during the night. i know it sounds a bit like bragging, but what’s not worth bragging about? if we were within feet of each other, there was sex in the making, sex in action or we were catching our breath for another round of sex. it’s kind of funny that i remember thinking then that i wasn’t going to keep up with his appetite, but i gave it my best shot. when we talk about that time, he says he remembers it the other way around. we were each pushing the other harder and farther and over more boundaries just by trying to keep up with the other. it was kinky. it was perverted. it was wonderful.
i was riding high on that sexual wave when i decided to stop dancing and start taking escort work again. i had told him very early on that i had been a prostitute in the past and thought that since he was so cool about it (and so sexually open) that it wouldn’t be a big deal. it was a big deal.
as he came around to the idea (and as i took unfair advantage of his “hooker fantasy” confession) and i started working more and more, his confidence was constantly under attack… “MORE Magnums?!?”…
at some point we just stopped having sex. i don’t even remember it tapering off. it just stopped. now the frequency is at a rate of about one attempt a week, but i’m certain that we both want it daily. we just don’t know how to get to it.
he thinks that i get a decent amount of release at work, but i rarely have intercourse or accept oral when i am with my clients these days. i’m so desperate for sex with him that i don’t want to “waste” any desire or need on a trick. i can’t even manage to escape into the “hooker’s trance” that Compartments explains so well. i just want to be out of session every second that i am in session so i can be with Scott, but when i am with him, i can’t manage to make him believe that i actually want sex (or want it with him).
on the occasions that we do have sex, i am so pent up that i completely loose control of myself. even in the act, he believes that it is just that… an act… and he’s got no interest in being another of my tricks. our encounters usually end with his total frustration and my slurred, dick-drunk apology for not having more stamina as i pass out, completely spent and satisfied.
then i wake up with guilt.
i can’t think of much i wouldn’t be willing to trade for an upgrade to a “so-so” sex life.
on that note… i think it’s about time for me to try to sneak up on him again while he’s sleeping.
