Archive for January, 2007

(.)(.) to (o)(o) s p o n s o r s?

{ January 13, 2007 @ 4:06 am } · { happiness, material things, mental health, prostitution, self-image, self-love }
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there’s something that i have been thinking about lately that doesn’t fit with my natural character. by nature, i am pretty self-sufficient… i don’t call tricks to ask them to help pay my bills or cover my rent. i don’t demand extra gifts or favors from tricks (or anyone else, really). my general attitude about anything i may wish to acquire is that if i am unable to pay for it myself and pay cash, i do without.

there are only two things that i can think of that i wish to acquire that i can’t pay for with cash out of my own pocket. what two things might i be coveting? in a word:

boobs

i know that there are men out there who “sponsor” breast augmentation surgery for lady-friends, but who are they and where are they? i’ve discussed the subject with many of the tricks that visit me, but the general mood from them is that my little tits are better than anything man-made. obviously, they don’t want to insult me; even though i’m a “sure thing” they don’t want to risk being cut off from the nookie. my clientelle isn’t likely to be stocked with gentlemen willing to part with cash for the opportunity to spend some quality time with a nice pair of falsies they financed themselves, because those guys are selecting ladies to visit who already sport more generous upper-body figures… likewise, the gentlemen who do visit me tend to admire smallish breasts (such as mine) as well as (or instead of) the busty girls.

what i want to know is this: how do i go about seeking out a sponsor for the enhancement of my modest bust?

don’t get this simple question confused with cyber-begging… i would be more than happy to grant visitation time with the puppies (worth their actual value) to return the favor.

t r i c k or p i m p?

{ January 11, 2007 @ 11:26 am } · { mistakes, prostitution }
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From Newsvine.com: “A Russian billionaire was detained in France for questioning as part of a crackdown on a suspected prostitution ring at an upscale ski resort, a prosecutor said Thursday.”

i’m thinking that he would be on the client-side of the transaction, but the article isn’t quite clear, but I guess the French police aren’t helping much.

another b l o g bites the d u s t?

{ January 11, 2007 @ 12:11 am } · { Scott, blogging, happiness, mental health, prostitution, relationships }
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i’ll be taking the link to not just another john out of my blogroll. it seems that Doug has removed his blog from wordpress.com. mexico, it seems, was the final nail in that blog’s coffin. too bad. i really did enjoy his blog. i appreciated the understanding and insight i was able to gain into some of what Scott must feel about dating me through reading Doug’s point of view. i know that Doug wrote about a lot of things that Scott has told me before, but reading them without the emotional connection that i have with Scott allowed the message to get through before any of my emotional defenses could get in the way.

Doug, thanks for your blog. i wish you well.

d i s c o m f o r t in more ways than one

{ January 9, 2007 @ 12:49 am } · { Scott, grind, masterbation, mental health, mistakes, prostitution, relationships, self-love, sex toys }
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there’s one particular subject that has been an issue in my relationship with Scott that seems to be completely insurmountable. the worst thing about this subject is that it is a total non-issue to me until Scott brings it up, at which time it becomes the most despised topic i could ever imagine. i hate this subject! even now, just trying to write about it here, i feel my chest and jaw beginning to tighten up, my ears getting warm and my heartbeat beginning to race. i imagine that before i finish this post the urge to scream will have flooded me in waves. the subject causes problems for our personal sex-life and for my work. it also has a negative affect on Scott’s ability to trust my honesty and my ability to confide in him. the thing that i hate most about the subject is the fact that i don’t feel that anything that i have to say about it has any value whatsoever, and the basis of the subject itself is my opinion.

i know the suspense is killing you, so i’ll tell you what subject i’m talking about… simply put, the subject is “cock size,” as in

the cock size most desired, enjoyed, fantasized about, preferred and appreciated by yours truly is _______.

i think this would be a good time to provide an illustration of my preferences, if you don’t mind, but before i do that, it should be known that Scott is not lacking anything that i want or need in the size department. (yes, i do expect that he will be reading this post at some point; no, i am not letting the fact that he will be reading this influence that last statement.)

usually, when i masterbate, i just use my fingers rather than use any type of sex toy. on the (rare) occasions that i reach for assistance, my first and second choices are
the silver bulletsilver vibe.
other options that are within reach include:
big toys
(i included my choice number two in that last photo for scale… #2 is about 6 to 7 inches.)

although i have the available option of getting myself off with big, huge and enormous sex toys, 99% of the time, my choice is a toy that is considerably smaller than my actual man is. i make that choice because the big toys are too much for me to enjoy. about a year ago, Scott and i were watching a violation video together, and the girl being violated was taking toys way bigger than any that Scott and i own. he commented on the size of one of them, saying something to the effect of “once someone could manage to take something that big…” and i finished his statement with something like “that’s what you would want all the time” or “you wouldn’t want anything else.” even before i made that statement, while watching that video, Scott had made up his mind that i really like bigger than i say i like; he thinks that the only reasons i ever tell him that i prefer the size i actually do prefer is the fact that being penetrated by anything really big will cause physical changes that i don’t want to deal and to save his pride/not hurt his feelings or offend him.

we have been over the subject at least 1001 times. i have told him at least 1001 times that i don’t have any longing to be fucked by anything or anyone bigger than he is. that is the honest truth, too.

the concept of huge is sexy as hell, though. i know that Scott agrees with me on that point. sometimes in our play together, i will reach for or ask him to reach for one of our larger accessories. on those occasions, i do enjoy myself and the feeling i get from the toy, but a lot of that is just the thrill of being with Scott.

i have tricks that are considerably bigger than my choice in toys, and Scott knows about them. there are a couple of them who i would prefer not to continue to see again because they are so big. one of them was here today; so far i’ve been able to get him to pass on intercourse in favor of blowjobs everytime but once. intercourse with him isn’t fun. oral isn’t easy, either. the fact that i’m always a little strapped for cash when he wants to see me is a big motivator, but i think Scott would think that i’ve got some alterior motive.

just as i thought, writing this post has gotten me all pissed off and my blood pressure is through the roof over it. i have to step away from it for a bit, but i’ll try to come back. in the meantime, i’m open to any comment anyone would like to offer.

(thanks to Deliciously-Naughty for the photo of choice number one
and Eden Fantasys for the photo of choice number two.)

i n s p i r a t i o n

{ January 6, 2007 @ 4:56 pm } · { Scott, blogging, happiness, mental health, relationships, self-love }
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i’ve added a new link to my blogroll. i think male and female readers will all enjoy dirty boy’s dirty thoughts, but the guy definately has a way of writing to appeal to a woman’s senses.

i discovered dirty boy ages ago and he’s one of my favorite go-to sources of inspiration when i’m in the mood for a little self-love. and you know what they say…

if you can’t love yourself, who can you love?

Scott selected a few short pieces from dirty boy’s blog a couple of years ago and recorded himself reading them. then he processed the audio with a lot of fade-ins and fade-outs, echos and other effects before playing the recording for me. when he played it for me, he had me undress and relax in a reclining chair that he had moved to the middle of the room. he dimmed the lights, blidfolded me and handed me a pair of headphones. as the recording played in my ears, Scott circled the chair, touching me then taunting me and teasing me, then denying me his touch while i listened. that night turned out to be one of the most erotic, sensual events of my life.

enjoy the read.

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