my life has been on hold. for months i have made no progress in any important area of my life. in fact, i think that it would be quite generous to say that my quality of life has been suffering for the past 3 to 4 years. as difficult as the years have been, the past 3 to 4 months have been even more trying and miserable.
don’t get the idea that this is going to be some kind of pity-party blog. who would want something like that?! i certainly don’t. i plan on using this blog to document my ascent out of my little piece of hell on earth. hopefully, my climb from the pit will begin today. before i explain where i plan on going, i suppose i should explain where i am now.
about me: i’m a 30something female in the united states. i live with my boyfriend, whom i love dearly, and our dog.
i can’t think of a single thing “ordinary” about our relationship.
we have, for a couple of years now, spent almost every waking moment together; that has changed a bit over the past couple of weeks. my boyfriend works from home. i work as a prostitute (escort, provider, whatever *nice* words some ladies like to use…) and meet my tricks (for not more than a couple of hours at a time) at a nearby no-tell.
obviously, i’ve made some mistakes in my life that i regret, but the ones i regret most are the ones that have driven a wedge of distrust, secrecy, fear and suspiscion between my boyfriend and myself. every single day for longer than i care to consider, i have thought to myself that our relationship wouldn’t survive another 24 hours. i would have sworn by it today, and i’m not certain we’re out of the woods yet.
i’m sure that plenty more about all of that will be told here as time goes on.
right now, i’m going to go back to the project that i have been working on for a few hours. i’m collecting information about BDSM lifestyles on the internet. my boyfriend and i have decided that i would be more functional and more satisfied with my life if i gave in to my submissive tendancies and stopped trying to control everything in my life.
that’s what this blog is going to document, hopefully… my salvation. in just a few minutes, i am going to ask my boyfriend to become my Master and save me from myself.
